First, let me apologize for taking so long in between posts. For the past month, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself getting settled in to my new place, and I just haven’t put this as a priority.  I’m sorry.  I will try harder going forward.

Going forward….sometimes that’s harder to do than it sounds. Even when you WANT to, sometimes things still prevent it.  When my daughter and I went to Carowinds, one of the rides we were on had to be stopped because of some technical difficulties – while we were still on the ride.  Not that we were in the middle of a loop or anything like that.  We had come back to the station, and they would hold one train just outside the station while they loaded up and sent off another one.  But this time, they didn’t send the train in front of us off.  They unloaded everyone and just left it sitting there empty – and us sitting just outside of the station.  We could see the station.  We could have gotten out and walked to the station.  But we were not able to go to the station because we were still in the seat restraints.  That was frustrating.

Then, to make things even better, it started raining.  Not a hard rain, just enough to make us really wish we had been able to go into the station.

So yeah, I’ve been experiencing some technical difficulties on this ride, and I’m finding it quite difficult to “go forward.”  But the restraints I feel are not necessarily for my safety placed securely on me by the Station Master.  I’m pretty sure I’ve put these restraints on myself.  Trouble is, I’m afraid to take them off because it would mean going to another unknown ride.  And even though I don’t really like being stuck here waiting, here is safe.  Here is normal.  Here is familiar.  Even though I’m yearning for something more, something different, something new, something better, I don’t really know how to take the restraints off…or even if I’m able to…..

But through it all, I am hopeful.  My faith gives me hope, and I have TONS of faith in God.  However, my faith in myself leaves a bit to be desired sometimes.  

One of the sermons I heard this past Sunday said that you have to have faith in yourself before faith in God will ever work for you.  The message was about a man who had been lame for 38 years and went to a particular pool where miracle healings took place.  But before he could get in the pool, someone would scoot in ahead of him (from John 5:1-18, check it out!).  Lord Jesus spoke to the man’s mind, not his condition, and told him to just get up and walk.  The man had to have a little faith in his own ability to get up before he could have faith in Jesus.  I’m working on my faith in myself right now.  Can I take off the restraints?  Do I even know what the restraints are?  If I can take them off….what do I do and where do I go then?

So, yeah, I’ve been on a roller coaster within a roller coaster, going from lows to lower lows…yet I still trust the Station Master.  I may be sitting just outside the station right now, but I know that He will  bring me in to the station when He deems that it’s safe and ready for me to go on to the next ride.